Kindness resolution for New Year!

So much is talked about New Year’s resolutions. Such talk always comes up in the beginning of a year and later put on the back burner. We’re also curious about what celebrities have resolved to do in the New Year. My column this week is about giving yourself the best new resolution. It is simple yet complex; it is being kind to self.

Sometimes we tend to forget that we can be an object of our own experience. We are so focused on getting the head count of people in a room, that we tend ignore ourselves in the count. Kindness is a gift that benefits the receiver and the giver. In this resolution, both the sender and the receiver is one, ie, you.

It need not be misunderstood as self-indulgence. Self-indulgence is a ‘feel good factor’. Being ‘kind’ to self is not just a feel good factor; it is about treating oneself with the highest degree of respect and compassion. The way we treat ourselves is often a good way to measure how we will and do treat others.

Ask yourself if you have been kind to yourself? If so, when did you have the experience? What thoughts went through your head and what were your feelings?

True self-kindness stems from self-esteem that is based on positive beliefs and that one has about being valuable and capable. Self-compassion entails being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, rather than ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism.

We could always say to ourselves, “I am worthy enough for me to be kind to myself.” However, if these notions of self-worth are not enriched by healthy self-respect, then kindness to oneself can morph into self-indulgence. Self-respect leads us to say for example, “I don’t really need to have that third glass of drink.”

Research indicates that self-compassionate individuals experience greater psychological health than those who lack self-compassion.

When we are proactively self-kind, we realise that, for example, a certain habit and behaviour is self-destructive, and we choose to be kind to ourselves in gradually changing the habit or behaviour. With our expanded knowledge of self-kindness, we can now be more aware, thoughtful, compassionate, and proactive in our relations with ourselves.

However, kindness is a spiritual muscle that only grows when we fully activate its potential. The more we practice the art of kindness to self, the stronger we become in the awareness of kindness and its blessings. So, shall we start, right from this minute, the art of self-kindness?

therapist.saras@gmail.com

(The Author is a counsellor coach practising in chennai)