Don’t wallow in hatred, let go

Forgiveness is a conscious decision an individual makes to let go of resentment about a person who hurt you. By letting go, the incident/s may continue to remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen the intensity of negative emotions that can embed in you. You can forgive the person without excusing their act/s.

When someone hurts us, we are angry, sad or confused. It is very stressful to go on with life without solving the issue. If you value the relationship, it is certainly worthwhile to try to clear the air. It can be done either by self or with a mediator. If that does not work, it is wise to not allow the memories haunt you. By wallowing in hatred, we allow the negative emotions to affect our own well-being.

Inability to forgive can be very taxing. Your life gets wrapped in with the past and you will associate every negative experience that you encounter to the past. You may reach a stage when you may begin to wonder if life has any meaning or purpose for you.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognising the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how the doer spoke to you or to others about you, how you’ve reacted and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. When you’re ready, actively choose to let go of the incidents because it is a thing of the past, which can never be changed. Accepting that it did happen and that you will not allow it to recur is coming to terms with yourself. It will help you to move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been treated.

If you are the person who needs to be forgiven, then you need to take the initiative. Admit the mistake and ask for forgiveness without justifying yourself. You can’t force someone to forgive you. They need to move to forgiveness in their own time. The point of forgiveness isn’t to modify a person’s actions. The act of forgiving changes your life. It takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. It can lead to less stress and hostility, healthier relationships and greater psychological well-being.

— therapist.saras@gmail.com